The Massive Jabroni Alert details individuals who have accomplished the stunning feat of doing something to become a Massive Jabroni. You don’t want to be a Massive Jabroni. Oh, and all opinions expressed are mine (ME!) and mine only. Unless you agree. But your grandmother might not like that.
HOLD UP. New T-Swift is here. And the whole world has something to say about it. But I don’t care about the garbage new song, or the ego-driven music video – or her lame album cover – or even the fact that in 2017, one of the most influential artists of this generation released a song about nothing of substance. I mean, I guess Taylor could’ve released a song about some of the crazy things happening in the world (like every single other artist out there) – but hey…maybe next time.
What actually set off the Massive Jabroni Alert is how Taylor Swift and Ticketmaster plan on selling tickets for her tour. We’ve already seen tons of pushback against scalpers, bots and digital ticket buying these last few years – but the T. Swift camp found the solution to all of that. And it sucks.
Huge fan of Taylor Swift? Better break out the wallet and probably some of your savings. Because in order to better your chances of bettering your chances to get tickets to her upcoming tour – you’ve got work to do. There are a number of tasks that your Ticketmaster account will keep track of as you complete them, tasks that reward you with different ‘boosts’ on your road to a glorious pair of T-Swift tickets. Here they are:
- Watch the new music video, up to 5 times a day for EACH AND EVERY DAY UNTIL THE ON-SALE.
- Post your excitement and thoughts on the New Taylor Swift across every possible social media account possible. #Make#Sure#To#Hashtag
- Buy merch from the Taylor Swift website, which gives you the choice between two $45 shirts.
- Pre-order the record, Reputation, out November 10th. Only available through taylorswift.com or Target. To ensure your copy arrives on release day, pay an extra $48. Making the CD $63. If you want even more boosts, pre-order Reputation up to 13 TIMES.
As I write this, someone near me is listening to the new Taylor Swift song. I don’t care for it. Not one bit. And after writing this, her lyrics become more relevant.
“Look What You Made Me Do” – Did you make me order 13 copies of your new album with day-one shipping for $800+? Did you make me flood my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram with hashtags and reposts of the song? Did you make me watch your circus-act music video 5 times a day for 2.5 months? No you didn’t – but tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of actual fans (many of whom are teenagers) sure will.
And I’m willing to bet that some of those fans have been pro-actively saving their hard-earned cash to experience whatever you’re willing to give them. Maybe your CD and the local tour stop is the one big event, the amazing night out, the break from reality that they can afford once or twice a year, IF THAT. And all of this nonsense just to get a place in line.
As Consequence of Sound put it: “What Swift and Ticketmaster have essentially done is alleviate the stress and anxiety of dealing with scalpers… by making Swift herself one. What else do you call someone who charges you more than the listed price for a ticket to a concert? Not only that, Swift is charging extra to ensure a place in line for tickets—not the tickets themselves.”
I call that being a MASSIVE JABRONI. Welcome to the club, Taylor Swift.